


Clandestine

by AoiTsukikage



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Future Fic, Introspection, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 20:36:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15781662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoiTsukikage/pseuds/AoiTsukikage
Summary: They can’t keep going on like this.





	Clandestine

They can’t keep going on like this.  

It was fine when they were younger, maybe, when they just out of university and getting started with establishing their respective family businesses in the outside world, neither of them looking for long-term commitments or being pressured about marriage yet.  

But that wouldn’t last forever, and it’s not an excuse they can use anymore, not now that they’re both in their mid-twenties.  It’s one thing to have met up the first time and let themselves get lost in a rush of hormones and alcohol-fueled courage, but that it had kept happening for the better part of five years?  

He’d be kidding himself if he pretended it was just about the release anymore.  

But then, he’d _also_ be kidding himself to not acknowledge the fact that the reason it had happened at _all_ is because they’re both nursing their own kind of heartache and having someone who understood, at the very least, helped ease the pain for an hour or two.  

Not that they weren’t already close, of course.  The last year or two of high school had given them the chance to get to know each other on a far more personal level and had made him realize just how similar they were at their cores - not only because they both had extremely calculating minds and together they could accomplish just about any plot, but also in that how their... _preferences_ lay in the same direction.  

So yes, this was easy.  It was easy to fall into bed the first time, and easy for it to keep happening.  Meeting up has never been _planned,_ exactly, but while the medical field and the fashion industry didn’t tend to overlap that often, their families were prominent enough that they often got invited to the same events regardless and each time that happened, well…

He rests his forehead against the window and sighs, the night air cold enough outside that his breath fogs up the glass and obscures the no-doubt breathtaking view of New York.  Not that he’d noticed, really, since he’d been too busy trying to get Kyouya out of his suit, but it’s a penthouse suite and there’s a half-empty bottle of wine on the table that’s calling his name even at - he checks his phone - 2:30 in the morning.  

There’s a text there from Hikaru, asking about brunch in the morning, and Kaoru knows his brother had been sidling up to an up-and-coming designer at the party and he wouldn’t be _entirely_ surprised if he and the young lady had ended up in a suite of their own.  

A smile comes unbidden to his lips as he reads his brother’s words, his fingers ghosting over the screen but not drafting a reply, not yet.  Hikaru’s been a blessing through this whole thing, really, but Kaoru’s thankful that his mother also hadn’t been too perturbed when she’d realized that Kaoru was likely never going to produce any heirs.  

Kyouya’s father, he knows, won’t be nearly so accommodating, and even though Kyouya’s the youngest child of the family and probably won’t ever take over the company in earnest, they’re still focused on appearances while Kaoru and Hikaru can be a bit more frivolous in their field of work.  

He pours a glass of wine for himself, swirling it and drinking without really tasting.  He’ll text Hikaru back in the morning, he decides. He doesn’t want to disturb him, after all, if he’s otherwise... _occupied._

And really, that Hikaru had been the most mature about everything was still a bit of a shock to him.  He’d thought that his brother would be far more torn up about Haruhi and Tamaki inevitably ending up together but he was genuinely happy for them and while he hasn’t really had what could be called a steady girlfriend, at least he’s moving forward. 

The same can’t really be said for Kaoru and Kyouya, though, and while they’ve never _talked_ about it, Kaoru knows that Kyouya’s feelings for Tamaki were - _are?_ \- strong, and he’s never deluded himself into believing he’ll ever have the same importance.  

And as for him...well, it’s not something he thinks much about anymore.  He and Hikaru will always be abnormally close and most of his feelings were the result of his confused teenage heart trying to reconcile the fact that he wasn’t really into girls.  

Hikaru was safe to project that onto, because it fit with their act, but once Kaoru started going over to Kyouya’s place more and had started to spend time with him that far transcended just ‘club business’, he’d quickly come to realize that his perceived feelings for his brother were just another way to shield himself from letting anyone on the outside in.  

Kyouya, though, had been impossible to read back then, and was even more impossible to read now.  He’s enthusiastic enough in bed, as these things go, and he focuses on Kaoru’s pleasure with an almost clinical approach, but he never lets his mask slip otherwise and only the fact that it _keeps happening_ leaves Kaoru to believe that _maybe_ there might be feelings on his side, too.  

But it’s untenable.  They both know it, he’s sure, and Kaoru’s not sure why he’s picked tonight of all nights to dwell on it but he makes up his mind and finishes the rest of his wine in a swallow so big that it burns his throat.  

It’s fine, though.  It gives him clarity and wakes him up, and when he sees Kyouya staring at him from across the room, still half-shadowed in a way that evokes the old nickname they’d had for him, he knows he can’t dally any longer.  

“Come back to bed,” Kyouya’s voice is sleep-rough and this is, perhaps, the one time Kaoru can be certain he’s being honest.  “It’s too early.”

“Yeah,” Kaoru sighs, setting his empty glass aside and padding over the carpet to the bed.  Kyouya’s eyes narrow and he grips Kaoru’s wrist, pulling him down. “Kyouya, we need to…”

“Yes, I thought so,” Kyouya sits up properly, hair mussed from sleep and their earlier activities.  “I assume you know well enough that our...association will never work outside of these clandestine encounters.”

“Of course,” Kaoru’s a tiny bit offended that Kyouya needs to confirm this with him when they’ve been as secretive as possible so far.  “But it can’t go on indefinitely like this.”

“No,” Kyouya concedes after a pause, rubbing at his eyes.  “If you have concerns, though, I wish you would feel comfortable enough to voice them with me.”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy it,” Kaoru isn’t exactly trying to soften the blow because he’s not sure there’s a blow _to_ soften, really, and it’s the truth.  “But maybe both of us should be focused on finding something a bit more...permanent.”

“If you ask me, I’d say five years is fairly permanent,” Kyouya’s lips are turned up in a way that says he’s amused, but his eyes are colder than Kaoru’s almost ever seen them.  “I don’t think either of us require courting, do we?”

“Of course not,” Kaoru can’t even imagine Kyouya _courting_ someone, really, and he doesn’t think room service and wine exactly counts given that their meetings are so infrequent that the first thing on their minds seems to be getting naked as quickly as possible.  “But you know that’s not what I mean.”

“...I do,” Kyouya admits, one hand reaching to cup Kaoru’s hip and sliding around to rest on his stomach.  “So what’s troubling you?”

“What am I to you?” Kaoru might regret asking that, probably, but Kyouya’s giving him _nothing_ to work with and his patience certainly isn’t indefinite.  “I mean, is this just…”

“Fucking?” Kyouya says it so _bluntly,_ a raised eyebrow only punctuating the crude question.  

He doesn’t elaborate, though, and Kaoru huffs out an irritated breath.  “Well? Is it?”

“It’s not for you,” Kyouya notes, regarding Kaoru with utter seriousness.  “I _do_ know you, you realize,” he smiles, then, predatory and slightly amused, and Kaoru wonders if he’s really been played for a fool all this time.  “But it’s also...difficult to envision this being more than it is. Our lives wouldn’t allow for it.”

“I’m not arguing with that,” Kaoru wraps his arms around his knees, effectively trapping Kyouya’s hand against his skin.  “I know we can’t _date,_ publicly, but…”

“Are you saying we should make the decision to end this before it gets decided _for_ us in some way?” Kyouya sounds impassive.  

“I’m…” Kaoru closes his eyes and leans back against the headboard.  “I don’t want to end this, Kyouya. I just want to know where you stand.”

“I see,” Kyouya pulls his hand away, crossing his legs and squinting down at the bedsheets.  “Let me put it this way: Haruhi once told me that I would never...engage in these sorts of activities if there was no merit in it for me.”

Another riddle, Kaoru thinks, though he should have anticipated it.  His brain is still muddled from exhaustion and from the extra wine he’s just had, but he doesn’t think Kyouya would be so cruel as to make him work for an answer that was only going to break his heart.  

“Merit, huh,” he curls himself into an even smaller ball, letting his chin rest on top of his knees.  “Well. It’s not about allying our families since we’re already close enough, so I guess I can cross business off of the list.  That really only leaves two options I’m willing to consider,” he murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut.

“And those would be?” Kyouya’s fingers stroke through his hair, gentle and soothing in a way the man’s words never will be.  

“Getting off with someone who knows how to keep a secret, for one,” he starts with that first because it’s by far the more undesirable option.  “I won’t talk, and we know each other well enough to feel safe about that.”

“Mm.  And the second?” Kyouya’s hand stops moving, just resting on top of Kaoru’s head.  

“The second...is that…” he stops, because saying it sounds _so_ sappy and he doesn’t think Kyouya will appreciate that.  

“That I return your feelings?” Kyouya supplies, and Kaoru gives a tiny nod.  He’s not even going to ask how Kyouya figured him out, because he’s an open book in a lot of ways and he’s never been good at hiding his heart for too long.  “Kaoru.”

“Yeah?” he asks softly.  

“Do you think I’m a cruel man?” Kyouya reaches to tip his chin up, forcing Kaoru to meet his stormy eyes.  

“I think you’re practical,” Kaoru returns, which is as much of an answer as he can give.  As romantic as it might be for Kyouya to pick Kaoru over his family and his career, he wouldn’t, and Kaoru would never ask it of him.  

In that way, feelings came second, and even if it feels like a knife stabbing into his chest Kaoru can _understand it._

“Then let me put it this way: do you think I would choose to only have one lover in all the time we’ve been engaging in these activities if I wasn’t attached to him somehow?” his smile still doesn’t quite reach his eyes but there’s a lilt in his voice that tells Kaoru he’s _amused_ and Kaoru lets out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.  

“Only one in all that time, huh?” he chuckles.  “He must be pretty special, then.”

“I daresay he is,” Kyouya draws Kaoru closer, resting their foreheads together, and Kaoru takes the initiative to kiss him.  

It’s careful, tentative, like they don’t know each other inside and out after all this time, but it’s the first kiss that he can call completely honest and maybe that makes all the difference.  

“It doesn’t change anything,” Kyouya warns him when he pulls back.  “We still can’t…”

“I know,” Kaoru hums, sliding his hands down Kyouya’s back.  “I don’t care if the world knows, Kyouya. As long as _we_ know,” he adds, almost shyly, which is ridiculous considering the things they’ve done together.  

“Ah,” Kyouya shakes his head.  “I’m very fond of you, Kaoru. If me telling you that will put your heart at ease, I don’t see any reason I should keep it to myself.”

Kaoru starts to laugh in earnest then, burying his face against Kyouya’s shoulder, because even his admissions of feelings come off sounding so _logical,_ but…

But that’s just who Kyouya _is,_ and Kaoru wouldn’t want him any other way.  

“Hey,” he says after he gets his mirth under control, the corners of his eyes wet from tears he won’t admit are pure happiness and relief.  “Come out for brunch tomorrow. Hikaru’s asking, and if it’s with both of us, it won’t look suspicious, right?” he knows he’s being too hopeful, perhaps, but maybe…

“Well, our host club days have planted a fairly strong association between all of the members, so I don’t see why going to eat with a couple of old friends would raise any alarm bells,” he looks devious now and Kaoru returns the smirk, feeling _much_ more in his element.  “Hikaru knows, I assume.”

“My secrets are his secrets,” Kaoru says blithely, yelping when Kyouya flips him over and straddles him.  “Hey!”

“Impertinent brat,” he growls and Kaoru grins up at him, the tightness in his chest that’s been hovering there for far too long easing completely.  

“Gonna do something about it?” he taunts, shivering in anticipation, and when Kyouya kisses him this time he doesn’t hold back.  

He knows nothing’s really solved - their lives are too unpredictable for this to be the end of their problems, but having the assurance that Kyouya’s feelings at the very least mirror his own makes it easier to believe that they’ll be able to face whatever happens together.  

“Kaoru.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still thinking,” Kyouya presses against him a little harder and Kaoru gasps, arching into him.  

“Make me stop, then,” he licks his lips, knowing Kyouya won’t back down from such an obvious challenge, and decides that, for the next few hours, he’ll be perfectly happy to not think at all.  

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written fic for Ouran in about eight years, but I've been re-watching the series lately and it reminded me how much I still enjoy this pairing and the potential they have together. It was really fun to write these guys again and please feel free to leave a comment if you enjoyed, or if you want to talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_mikarashis), feel free to do that as well :)


End file.
